The Real You

Authenticity is key in building a loving and committed relationship. To be a self-reliant man means independently choosing and executing a course of action to achieve your aims, overcome challenges, and build your self-confidence even with the challenges of lifelong partnership. However, this does not mean isolating yourself or doing it all on your own. Here are four tips to be in your relationship while holding to your deepest truth.

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1. Know your purpose and your values.

 Understanding your beliefs, attitudes, priorities, strengths, and limitations is essential for personal growth, self-awareness, and building healthy relationships. Your purpose comes from deep within and is the true impetus for how you express your life force.  Your values are the current expression of your purpose at whatever stage of life you find yourself in.  

When you share common values with your partner, it helps to establish trust, respect, and mutual understanding.  When you have a clear understanding of your beliefs, attitudes, priorities, strengths, and limitations, you gain a clear sense of direction. This clarity helps you make better decisions, take meaningful actions, and both give and receive more of what you want in life. When you and your partner share similar beliefs and priorities, you can more easily work together towards common goals. This creates a sense of harmony and unity in your relationship, making it stronger and more fulfilling.

Moreover, self-awareness is crucial for personal growth. By understanding your strengths and limitations, you can focus on developing your strengths and addressing your shortcomings. This helps you improve your skills, expand your knowledge, and become the best version of yourself.

I encourage you to take the time to reflect on your purpose and values. Identify what matters most to you and what you want to achieve in life. Embrace your strengths and acknowledge your limitations. And with your intimate partner, seek out the primary purpose of the relationship. This will help you build a deep connection and lead a full life together.

2. Communicate openly and honestly.

Effective communication is defined only by the quality of the results. It involves expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear and respectful manner while actively listening to your partner’s perspective. It creates a safe space to build deeper understanding, to find solutions, and to work through challenges.

Communication is the foundation of any healthy and successful relationship, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or professional. When you communicate openly and honestly with your partner, you create a safe and supportive environment where both parties can be vulnerable and trust their thoughts and feelings will be held without judgment or criticism. This fosters mutual respect and understanding, and enables you to build deeper connections with each other.

Expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear and respectful manner is key to effective communication. This means taking the time to articulate your point of view in a way that is easy to understand, without attacking or blaming your partner. It means owning the judgments that will come to mind and returning to actively listening to your partner’s perspective, without interruption or dismissing their thoughts or feelings. When both parties are able to express themselves in this way, it creates an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect, which is foundational for a healthy and happy relationship.

Effective communication is particularly important when facing challenges or conflicts. 

By keeping communication open, you can see the challenge as separate from both of you and work together to find a solution. This involves being willing to compromise, being open to feedback, and being willing to make changes.

Communicating openly and honestly is an essential component of a successful relationship. So, don’t be afraid to speak your truth and receive the thoughts and feelings of your partner with love and discernment. With effective communication, you will build a deeper connection and broader understanding within your marriage.

3. Seek support when needed. 

Asking for help when facing challenges does not mean you are weak or dependent, and offering support to your partner strengthens your bond. 

Part and parcel of being human is that we will face challenges in life, whether it is personal, professional, or a combination of both. Sometimes, these challenges can seem overwhelming and trigger fear and it might appear as if there’s no way to overcome them. We must remember, however, that asking for help is never a sign of weakness, but instead, just the opposite – an act of strength.

It’s important to have a diverse support system that includes friends, family, and mentors or professionals.  Each of these sources of support offers unique perspectives, skills, and experiences that can help you in different ways.  Seeking support when facing challenges can take many forms, and when it comes from a variety of sources helps us to formulate our own approach and philosophies around overcoming challenges.

Friends and family can provide emotional support and a listening ear, as well as practical help with tasks or responsibilities. They know you well and can offer insights and advice based on their understanding of your situation and personality. Additionally, they can offer a sense of community and belonging that can be incredibly helpful in times of stress.

Professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can provide a safe space to process emotions and develop coping strategies. These professionals have specialized training and experience in helping people through a wide range of challenges, and can offer guidance and support in a non-judgmental and confidential environment.

Offering support to your partner can also be incredibly beneficial in strengthening your bond. By being there for each other during difficult times, you can build trust, empathy, and understanding. This can help you to weather future challenges together and can deepen your emotional connection.

Seeking support when facing challenges is more than a valuable tool in navigating difficult times. It is a strength that will open your world to greater opportunity and deepen your connection to yourself and others. Making sure you have a mix of people in your corner like friends, family, and professionals can give you varied perspectives and skills to help you get through tough times and thrive despite any obstacles. This in turn serves you in a way that you can offer support to your partner and strengthen your relationship that builds a deeper connection to sustain your marriage through all of life’s challenges.

4. “Move towards” in emotional repair: 

“Moving towards” in emotional repair is a powerful act that encourages individuals to take action towards healing their relational and emotional wounds. It involves actively seeking out ways to address and work through emotional pain, rather than avoiding it or numbing the feelings associated with it.

When we experience emotional pain as the result of an argument with our partner, it can be tempting to withdraw from the situation or avoid dealing with the rift altogether. However, this approach can often lead to more distress and resentment in the long run. By moving towards each other in our emotional pain and taking steps to address it, we begin to heal, grow, and move forward.

Moving towards emotional repair requires courage and a willingness to be vulnerable. It might involve engaging in self-care practices, such as meditation, exercise, or creative expression prior to healing a rift between you and your partner.

By actively moving towards, you, your partner, and your relationship can develop greater resilience and emotional strength. You will learn to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-compassion.

So if you are struggling with emotional pain, remember that it is okay to seek help and support, and to take steps towards healing. When you step into your emotions and deeply listen to your spouse, you actively engage in the process of emotional repair and can find greater peace and fulfillment in your life. Always keep going, and know that you are capable of more than you know in healing your wounds, your disconnection, and moving into growth.

Being self-reliant while staying authentic is a powerful combination that can help you navigate through life with confidence and purpose. When you are self-reliant, you trust yourself to make informed decisions based on your values and beliefs. This sense of autonomy can give you a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment, as you know that you are living your life on your terms.

Being authentic means being true to yourself, your values, and your beliefs. It means living with  integrity rather than trying to fit in with societal norms. When you are true to yourself, you attract people who share your values and appreciate you for who you are. This leads to stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

In order to build a self-reliant and healthy relationship, it’s important that you prioritize your needs and communicate effectively. This means taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, and being clear with others about your boundaries, expectations, and feelings. When you communicate effectively, you avoid many misunderstandings and build trust with others.

Seeking support is crucial for maintaining your self-reliance and wellbeing. Nobody does life on their own and it’s okay to ask for help when needed. Whether it’s friends, family, or professionals, seeking support can help you overcome challenges and create the relationship and life you desire.  Your authenticity  empowers your decisions, helps build strong relationships, and aligns you with integrity in action. By prioritizing your connection to yourself, you cultivate a sense of self-reliance born from purpose that allows you to thrive in all aspects of your life.


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